I'm not dead.

Hello my darling little experiments.  I haven't posted in a while, because of the hustle and bustle of the holidays.  Fear not dearies, I'll go back to regular posting come January.     Just thought I'd tell you that I'm still around.

Idiots

People are stupid.  It's a known fact.  The top 5 biggest idiots of 2012. Note: It was hard to choose just 5.


5. China.
 
    I'm sorry China. But you did make fools of yourselves this year.  No,  Canada is not building a highway that allows you to get to Mexico without toughing the U.S.A. No,  Kim Jong Un is not the sexiest man alive. Again, it's totally our fault.

4. My classmates.

   #stopusinghashtagoutsideoftheinternet. Jesus christ people.  Aw I still love (some of) you. But seriously. You guys are morons.

3.  Westboro Baptist Church

     Oh, so you're going to picket the funerals of children because of the freedoms of america? Allow me to tell the world how horrible you are.

2. Spence Diamonds.

These people make the worst radio commercials ever
You think a guy's going to email us that his girlfriend isn't hot?
Good point!
 I swear if I ever meet these two in real life, I will murder them, and burn that place to the ground.
TIE: 2. The American Government.
NO.  PUTTING MORE GUNS IN SCHOOLS TO PREVENT GUN VIOLENCE IS STUPID. ALL YOU ARE, ARE A BUNCH OF ANGRY, WHITE, EVANGELICAL STRAIGHT WELL ARMED OLD MEN. SHUT UP, OR I'LL SHOVE YOUR TRUSTY HUNTING REIFLE DOWN YOUR THROAT.

1: Anyone who thought that the world would end yesterday.

hehe you're silly. Especially those of you who wasted money to go to some village in france to get beamed up by aliens. Lol FAIL

   

LYRIC DISSECTION: Dirty Paws

About a week ago, I posted a review of My Head is An Animal by Of Monsters and Men. In ced review, I mentioned how I thought the song Dirty Paws eluded to World War Two.  Tonight, I explain this.

it starts around here:

once there was an animal
it had a son who mowed the lawn
the son was an o.k. guy
they had a pet dragonfly- A typical family

The dragonfly it ran away
but it came back with a story to say.- The dragonfly might be a member of the family rather than a pet. The family member goes to war. The use of a fly suggests that they were a pilot.

her dirty paws and furry coat
she ran down the forest floor- A soldier

the forest of talking trees
they used to sing about the birds and the bees- Nostalgia for a peaceful europe.

the bees had declared a war
the sky wasn't big enough for them all- the bees are germany, attempting to expand their rule over europe.

The birds they got help from below
from dirty paws and the creatures of snow- the birds are england, dirty paws are america, and the creatures of snow are the U.S.S.R. forming the allies

and for a while things were cold
they were scared down in their holes- occupied europe in the grip of the nazis. the "cold" suggests a reference to the hunger winter

the forest that once was green
was coloured black by those killing machines- the destruction of europe and sacred historical sites during the bombings

but she and her furry friends
took down the queen bee and her men
and that's how the story goes
the story of those beasts with their four dirty paws- the defeat of the nazis and end of the war.

the use of bees for nazis suggests a reference to the orderly and thoughtless fashion the nazis were run

and that is why i think that song is about ww2.  in parting, i leave you with:

Books you just can't read

Do I even have to say it?

Annnnnyways. I recently attempted to read Schindlers list.  And, for one reason or another. I could not get through it. Not because it was emotionally scarring, but because it was boring. I am a big book person, and do not get bored easily by books. However, this was so incredibly slow that  I was just like "screw this, I'm done."

 This also happened with Mockingjay, but for different reasons. I would have kept on, if Katnisss wasn't a completely insufferable character. She just grinds my gears.

The top 5 best villains of pop culture according TO THE LORD AND MASTER (me)

Villains are more interesting than heroes. Admit it, you think so too

MY TOP 5 FAVOURITE VILLAINS

Yawn

5.  Gaston

NO ONE VERBS LIKE GASTON
 NO ONE VERBS LIKE GASTON
NO ONE MULTIPLE VERBS  IN SUCCESION LIKE GASTON
FOR THERE'S NO ONE AS ADJECTIVE AND ADJECTIVE
AS YOU SEE I'VE GOT NOUNS TO SPARE!

4.  The Joker

He is pretty much the ultimate comic book villain.







3. The daleks

EXTERMINATE

Give Bruce Willis his nose back

2. Voldemort

The dark lord.

Staring contest. Go

1. Dr. Hannibal Lector

Ok, whoever names their kid Hannibal just knows he's gonna be messed up

To hell with Westboro (WARNING: SALTY LANGUAGE)

   This is a follow up to the "Guns" post I wrote on Saturday.  It regarded the recent school shooting in Connecticut.   Both of these posts are rants.  I would like to offer extra condolences to the families of the victims.   Note: I will not be censoring this post, so if you're offended by saucy lingo, go look at puppies or something.


     I'm sure you're familiar with the crazy ass bitches known as the Westboro Baptist church. Their activities consist of making the rest of christianity look bad.  They're constantly talking about how america is gonna go to hell and homosexuals are bad, yet they hide behind the constitution of a nation they claim to hate. Nobody likes them. For good reason.  What do they have to do with the shooting?
Oh I'll tell ya what.

THEY ARE GOING TO PICKET THE FUNERALS OF THE PEOPLE WHO DIED IN THE SHOOTING.

    What the unholy fuck are these people thinking? Do they not understand WE. DON'T. LIKE. YOU. SHUT. UP. PLEASE. Jesus Mary and Joseph. Now, why? According to them, it was gods "will". God "wanted" those innocent children to die, because of gay people. I swear on the three fold rule of wicca I'm not lying.  Holy fucking shit.  The whole world has had it up to here with them.  If there is a god, he would never want innocent kids to die. Do they even read the bible? Do they not have ears. In my mind, they are themselves an embodyment of evil.  All the kids who leave, because, you know they grew brains, are like "Yeah, they're assholes." So, Westboro, I offer you a big old FUCK YOU.  I hope the god they pray to is real, just so he can wipe those smug expressions off of their faces when he sends them to hell.

But wait! All hope is not lost!

     The kickass members of Anonymous have finally done something about it. What have they done? What they do best, which is fucking things up for those who deserve it.  YOU GO ANONYMOUS please don't hack me.   They have released the names of ALL members of Westboro. Their contact info, addresses, the whole shmeer. They have a video out attacking the church, and are thinking about taking down westboro's site. Godess I love those guys. And it's not just anon getting all up in their beeswax. People have started a petition to get them officially labeled a hate group. They needed 25,00 signatures. They have over 100,00.  GO PEOPLE!

So yeah.

Love day: Cartoon theories

I am a total nerd.  You already knew that.   And, I like cartoons. Recently, it has been brought to my attention, that people have started attaching very dark meanings and undertones to popular cartoons. This phenomenon is especially prevalent on the website Creepypasta.   Though a lot of people complain about them, I like them.  I am not a model of sanity, so it's probably best not to follow in my footsteps on the matter.  In the spirit of ruining your childhood, here are some of my favourite cartoon theories:


exhibit A: Ed, Edd n Eddy

premise: Three boys with similar names play around with the other children in their cul-du-sac.  Most of their tomfoolery is centred around the aquisition of jawbreakers.

theory: Purgatory.

Add a moustache to his finger, and ed becomes a hipster

notes: The whole dead children idea is extremely popular among cartoon theorists. For every show with a similar idea, this theory always appears. The backstory to this, is that all of the kids are spirits, and that the cul du sac is purgatory. The kanker (canker?) sisters are the children of demons from hell, sent to torture the lost souls.






exhibit b: Spongebob Squarepants

premise: A yellow sea sponge goes around having misadventures and working in a fast food restaurant.

theory: Nuclear bomb

Notes: There are multiple theories surrounding this show. I have chosen one actually coined by the creator. The theory is that Spongebob and his friends were normal sea creatures who were actually mutated by the nuclear tests at bikini atol.  Hence the town being called Binkini Bottom. Rather than being spawned from the minds of paranoid internet fanatics, Stephen Hillenburg (creator of spongebob) is the one who came up with this theory. Seems legit.  As for Sandy, no one can really explain a squirrel from texas who is a scientist and karate master living underwater.



exhibit c: Rugrats

premise: babies fool around and eat dirt

theory: angelica is really messed up

Horrified? I sure am.

notes: This is the product of some really messed up folks. This theory in a nutshell is basically a big clusterf***.  According to this theory, angelica is a bipolar schizo crackbaby. Her doll Cynthia, was her real mom. The woman portrayed as her mom is a gold digging hoe.  All of the babies are dead and are hallucinations brought on by Angelica's mental state, with the exception of Dil. Dil was real, and because she couldn't tell the difference between him and the others, Angelica became frustrated.  He didn't obey her like her hallucinations, so she beat him, deforming his head. At age 13, Angelica became addicted to drugs and commited suicide. Suzie, her only childhood friend, became a psychologist, and helped develop the show.

Sure, they are outrageous. But, you have to admit, they're interesting


these shows are the properties of their respective networks and creators. Please don't sue me, I don't have a lot of money